You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize