I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
