he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
