she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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