apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
