I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
