you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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