i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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