We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
