You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How external is "for external use only"?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
