i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
