a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
