I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
