it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My vagina is officially offended.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
