worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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