He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
