There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
