We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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