we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
