No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
