My balls are so social today.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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