It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
bring money and cleavage
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
