Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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