I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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