If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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