is your mom at the bar?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
