shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
