she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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