Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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