last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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