is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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