Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
