I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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