Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
