Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
