Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
