I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
