Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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