fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
