Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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