I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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