I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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