Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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