zippers are such a cool invention
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
