I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He shit in the fireplace
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
