You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
