I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
