Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
