Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
