This house was built for laser tag.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
