There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize