I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
