I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
