dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
