Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
