he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
