She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
