Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
