1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
