Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
farters have to be the big spoon...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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