KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
