Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
