yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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