By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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