You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
