You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
