is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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