Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
