Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
