i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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