So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I didn't notice because vodka
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
