she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
