So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
