just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you had me at cake vodka
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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