walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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