how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
do herpes really smell.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's always time for handjobs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
