This girl is more easily done than said...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
