and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
