even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
