Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I will die if light touches me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
