Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
