My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
