its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
