sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
