I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
