i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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