i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
