Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
3pm strippers are depressing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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