Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
