Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
