remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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