dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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