I got chris browned last night
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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