I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
