this beer tastes like vomit already
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
