I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize