3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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