just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
