I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
