I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
