the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love having hate sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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