instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
